wildflower chapter 6

“What?”

“You’re good at shooting, fencing, you’re fluent in Sevrian…”

“Is that all I’m good at?” It was an annoying question, but she couldn’t deny that he excelled at everything.

“No, you’re good at everything.” Lilian sighed deeply.

“Come to think of it, only I know this, but you’re a great cook!”

“That’s right. I’ve cooked for you so many times; it would have been a shame to leave that out.”

“That peach pie you made was delicious…”

“I’ll bake you another one sometime.” The mere thought made her mouth water with the anticipation of the sweet fragrance.

“You know, Cairn, unlike you, I’m not good at anything.” Cairn, her impossibly perfect friend, stared at Lilian. Feeling a pang of resentment, she pouted.

“…I can’t cook, I almost fell off the horse when you encouraged me to try riding, and last time I tried embroidering, all ten of my fingers bled.” Lilian fidgeted with her fingers, berating herself.

“Don’t be silly. You’re kind.”

“That’s all… and I’m not even that kind.”

“I suppose you’re right. Judging by how you hit my arm every time I tease you, you’re not that kind.”

“Cairn!” Lilian smacked his arm again, and he smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“Your strengths… hmm… Lilian, you’re a wonderful writer.” He took a deep breath, as if preparing to say something difficult. “And… you’re… beautiful…”

Lilian wasn’t particularly moved by the compliment about her beauty; she’d heard it often enough. The praise he’d given just before that resonated more.

“I’m a good writer?”

As Cairn moved closer, their arms touched. His warmth was so comforting that Lilian felt a sense of relief wash over her.

“Yes. Remember our literature classes at the Valtar Palace? I couldn’t concentrate and was always playing with my wooden sword, getting scolded by Sir Celluman, while you were praised for your beautiful writing.” Cairn nudged Lilian’s shoulder. At his touch, she stared into his blue eyes. Her face, reflected in his clear gaze, was filled with worry.

“Lilian, you’re a talented writer. Have some faith in yourself, regardless of what others say about you being a wallflower or whatever.” Cairn’s words of comfort only made Lilian feel worse. Because now she doubted her writing, her only source of pride.

I’ve been suspicious of her previous works. Perhaps they were written by a woman who’s never been in love. They lack a certain emotional depth.

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry when I’m complimenting you?”

Lilian tried to accept her shortcomings—her poor riding skills, her lack of eloquence, her awkward social skills that kept her confined to corners at parties. But her reputation as ‘Clarice,’ the acclaimed author, was different. She poured all her effort into her writing, contemplating love deeply. That’s why the noblewomen’s words had stung so much. Experience trumps a hundred tellings. The love stories written by Lilian, who had never been in love, were all lies. They were right.

“It must be nice. You’re perfect, popular with the ladies…”

“Lilian, what’s gotten into you? You said you weren’t interested in men.”

“I’m still not.” Cairn couldn’t understand her. He eyed her suspiciously, puzzled by her unusual behavior.

“Then why are you suddenly talking about popularity?”

“Because…” Because popular people have lots of relationships. Lilian couldn’t bring herself to be honest and closed her mouth. Her writing had to remain a secret. If it were revealed that a noble lady wrote romance novels, the consequences would be far worse than a beating. It wouldn’t matter even if her father, Count de Vermore, threw a fit and banished her from the mansion. 

Moreover, her latest novel, Love Covered in Filth, depicted a man and a woman… doing that. Even though she’d written it terribly. Was there anyone around her who was knowledgeable about such matters between men and women? Lost in thought, Lilian’s contemplation continued until…

“Cairn, you’re popular with the ladies?” As if struck by sudden realization, Lilian repeated her earlier question. “Then you must have a lot of experience with love! I think you can help me!”

Seeing her face brighten, he couldn’t bring himself to deny it.

“I have a lot of experience with… uh, um… I suppose… I do?”

“Have you ever kissed? You must have, right?”

Cairn’s gaze fixed on Lilian’s red lips as she uttered those daring words. He swallowed involuntarily.

Oblivious to his stare, Lilian asked the question that truly plagued her. “Have you… slept with a woman?”