divorce chapter 29

“Do you dislike me?” Lennard asked, his heart heavy in his chest. He desperately wished she didn’t hate him. His initial resolve to let her go had long since vanished. Despite trying to maintain distance, his thoughts unconsciously drifted to Estelle. I thought it would just be a one-night encounter. Lennard stole a glance at the silent Estelle. Was it the light, or something else entirely, that made her eyes appear brighter and deeper than usual, like shimmering gold?

“I’m grateful,” Estelle replied, her voice firm and concise. “I hadn’t realized…” Lennard felt his heart stop. His mind went blank, her words washing over him like water. “…how much you’ve done for me. I’ve never been to an event like that before, and you even sent money to my family, despite our lack of credit.” Her words were dry, as if to say she had received something and now felt obligated to return the favor. It was a reasonable response, the best he could expect from her. 

Why? A pang of pain shot through his chest. He felt the anguish of being abandoned by someone he had trusted. I was foolish. And arrogant. He hadn’t imagined she wouldn’t choose him. This first rejection stung deeply. He had never believed in love at first sight, not until now. He admitted to himself that he had lost his heart to this lovely young woman who had approached him that night. What he had assumed would be a fleeting encounter had become deeply etched within him. Lennard could no longer run from his feelings.

***

“Your Grace?” He looked unwell, staring blankly downwards. Worried that it was too late, Estelle tightly grasped his hand. What did Benedict say to do? She recalled his instructions and slowly began to draw out the simmering heat within Lennard. What had been easy before now resisted her efforts. “Your Grace?”

“Ah, yes.” He still seemed dazed. Estelle gently shook his hand. “This is only my second time, so I’m not very experienced. I was hoping you could help me.” Lennard’s face darkened at her words.

“I’ve never received purification myself, so I wouldn’t know.”

“What?” Hadn’t his friend, Benedict, ever purified him? Come to think of it, even in the dire situation at the cathedral, he had refused purification.

“I apologize for being of no assistance.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll try what I’ve learned.” Estelle closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Before, she had vividly felt the energy surging within Lennard, but now it was different. It felt heavy, stagnant, almost impossible to move. Just as she began to wonder if he was resisting, the energy started to shift. Heat bloomed within her, as if her frozen body was suddenly thawing, leaving a tingling sensation in her fingertips. Why is this so slow? It hadn’t been this difficult before. She tried to pinpoint the difference, but nothing came to mind.

“My Lady?” Estelle looked up at Lennard’s startled face.

“You can stop if it’s too much for you.”

“No. I want you to be at your best.” He pulled his hand away, hiding it behind his back, and shook his head. “I’m fine. This is enough.” Estelle couldn’t understand his composure with his deployment scheduled for the very next day. Even if this gate was known for lower-level monsters, war was still war. She knew he was powerful, but there were always unforeseen circumstances. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Lennard.

“Let’s sleep together tonight.”

“What?” Disbelief washed over his face. Estelle quickly corrected herself. “I mean, just sleep. Holding hands. I don’t have any other intentions, I swear.” It was considered superstition in this world, but the original novel had stated it clearly: a partner’s power is amplified through physical contact, ideally through mucosal contact, but she doubted Lennard would ever allow that. “You’ve heard that physical contact increases the effectiveness of purification, right?”

“That’s… just a superstition.”

“But you always hold hands during purification, don’t you?”

“I… I’m truly fine.” His eyes darted nervously, his face paling. His adamant refusal made her wonder if he truly disliked her. “Do you… dislike me?”

“No. That’s not… possible.” His flustered denial, complete with frantic hand-waving, made her laugh. At least she wasn’t utterly repulsive to him.